NIGHTLIFE LISTINGS

If you look through a West Loop Chicago neighborhood directory, you’ll see under nightlife listing for all these “futuristic bars.” These are the bars with a postmodern layout with this silver and gray, metal and glass. Sometimes, there’ll be smoke and fog and a lot of mirrors and people wearing flashy and bright outfits that were left over from the worst of the 1980s clothing trends. They just throw on a coat of glitter or add black tape and its good as new. People will sit around on beanbags and put on oxygen masks and suck that down. There’ll be a lot of what people call “postmodern art” as well. This is when someone empties out their trash, glues it together in the form of a sad face, and then finds someone gullible enough to buy it for a few thousand dollars. This includes paintings that are just splashed up with paint and make no sense because these artists never went to art school to learn how to paint or draw or anything. If these places sound like the stupidest, most pretentious places on Earth, then you’re absolutely correct. Naturally, everyone who hangs around at these clubs and bars are over 40 and trying to reclaim a youth they never actually had.